The proposals

Keep Children Connected to a Biological Parent They've Lost

When a child loses a biological parent to death, serious illness, incarceration, or a custody decision, the child is at risk of being alienated from that parent. The child can also lose that parent's entire side of the family, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and the family's history and culture, along with the love, the support, and any positive benefits they would otherwise give.

Some psychologists classify alienation as a form of child abuse and maltreatment that has long-term negative consequences for children. Today, a biological parent has no reliable way to protect their child from the harm of being turned against that parent when the parent is no longer in the child's life, to make sure their child will know who they were, or to make sure their family will remain part of the child's life.

Families who want to stay connected usually have to go to court, where, in New Jersey and many other states, they must prove the child would be harmed without them, often after years of expensive litigation. Protecting a child should not depend on whether a family can afford to go to court, nor should families be forced to take on overly burdensome measures to protect a child.

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child recognizes a child's right to know their parents and to be cared for by them (Article 7), to preserve their identity and family relations (Article 8), and to maintain regular contact with a parent from whom they are separated, unless that is contrary to the child's best interests (Article 9). The United States has not ratified the Convention. We are asking our lawmakers to protect these principles here.

Like a seatbelt, these protections only work if they are in place before they are needed. We propose four measures so that children who lose a biological parent are protected from the harms that can result from such a loss, including alienation.

Until laws like these exist, most of these protections are not guaranteed, even when they are needed. The measures below are drawn from problems that keep recurring in many different families. They are also here to raise awareness of measures you can try to put in place in advance, possibly through community resources, to protect your children, yourself, and your family in case of your own absence or loss of custody.

The Right to Know a Parent Who Is Gone

The problem

If the surviving parent's new spouse adopts the child, the child receives a new birth certificate without the deceased biological parent's name, and no law requires that the child ever be told who that parent was. Essentially, this forces biological parents to become donors or surrogates against their will.

The solution

The deceased biological parent's name stays on the child's birth certificate, even after an adoption, and the child receives age-appropriate therapy to learn about and grieve that biological parent. Just as donors may be allowed to remain anonymous, a parent should be able to ensure that their child knows who they were.

Support

The Right to Keep a Parent's Family in the Child's Life

The problem

A parent has no way to ensure that their child will continue to see their side of the family if the parent dies or is otherwise removed from the child's life. There is currently no measure in place to protect the child from being taught, or coming to believe, negative and false information about that parent and their family, which can lead a child to think badly of half of who they are.

The solution

A biological parent may request that their family members, whom they may name, have a guaranteed minimum schedule of contact with the child, consisting of family systems therapy and supervised visits adjusted to the child's needs by a qualified family systems therapist. The surviving parent decides anything beyond that. Family systems therapy would take the form of structured reintegration therapy, starting before any problems of alienation begin.

See how these protections would work

Support

Complete Information for the Child's Doctors

The problem

After a biological parent dies, the child's doctors and therapists usually hear from only one side of the child's family. By contrast, when both biological parents are present in the child's life, both are able to provide information.

The solution

A biological parent in the child's life may appoint a person who, after the parent's death, will be informed of the child's significant health decisions and may share relevant information about the child with the child's health care providers. This prevents misinformation from being given to health care professionals. It also allows these children to be treated by health care professionals with the same precautions and protocols that are followed when both biological parents are present in the child's life, to try to prevent medical child abuse from occurring.

Support

Equal Protection Against Interference with Family Relationships

The problem

When living parents dispute custody, courts consider whether one parent has kept the child from the other without a substantiated reason. There is no equivalent protection for the family of a parent who has died, even though keeping a child from that family risks cutting the child off from, and alienating the child from, the parent who died.

The solution

Courts should give the same weight to interference with a child's relationship with a deceased biological parent's family, including through knowingly false allegations of abuse, as they give to interference between living parents.

Support

The protections above would apply when a parent has died and, with appropriate adjustments, when a parent is absent because of serious illness, incarceration, or the loss of custody.

Each protection would apply automatically unless a parent's will states otherwise.

Ready to add your name?

If you want to ask lawmakers to help guarantee this protection for children who lose a parent, add your name to show your support. If you don't support all four measures, you can choose the ones you do. Please also give your email address, so that if enough people from your state support a measure, we can email you the form you would need to sign and mail to the appropriate state legislators.

Sign